dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
