Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
