Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
