i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
