My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
