My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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