it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Sext me about skeletons
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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