Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
