He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
