so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
