You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
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