i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
