i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
