Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
