the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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