Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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