I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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