Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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