you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
