the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
