I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
