She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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