I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
