It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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