I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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