he shaved USA in his pubs
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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