i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
