How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you didnt know i had herpes?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
