for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
