I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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