You work out of a Hotel?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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