My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize