Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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