Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
