sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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