After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
