i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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