He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
