i just google imaged poop.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
