Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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