I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
