You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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