She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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