sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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