so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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