haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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