similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
