Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
