Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
