My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
