i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i now understand why vodka
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
