Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
