I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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