I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
