I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Welp...herpes.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
