My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
