I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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