we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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