he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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