I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
