What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
