I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
