so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
