I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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