We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Drunk is a universal language darling
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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