I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
