I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
