I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
