is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
