i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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