I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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