drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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