I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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