Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
